I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
