I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
