Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
