i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
