I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
