Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
