Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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