Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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