Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I would ride that face into the sunset
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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