And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
