I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
