Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
