if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
