Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
