Your face is a jimmy john
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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