Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
