Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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