My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
