I wish you could order shots online.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
