she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
