We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
