If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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