I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
