You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
