All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
