A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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