So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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