i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
