Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
