I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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