Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
