3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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