Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
