Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
