good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize