Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
