coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
