that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just cropdusted the office
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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