Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
