I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
