Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
