my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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