you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
