I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
