my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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