Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
