I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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