i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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