Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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