Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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