id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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