I wish I could teleport
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
