I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
