she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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