just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
