Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
