ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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