Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
