I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
