I got chris browned last night
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they're like a gay fantastic four
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
