Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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