Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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