we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Is Oprah even human
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
