new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
