She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
