she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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