But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
