new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
