my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
