i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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