you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
