I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
