I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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