have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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