please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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