You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
