If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
