it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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