Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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