Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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