I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
