Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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