I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
