They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
