So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
