glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
