Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
