it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
