Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
