I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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