when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is classic penis vs brain.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
