CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
