i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
