The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
