maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
