doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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