I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
