I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just gift wrapped bread.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize