You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
