We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
