omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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