So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
