I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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