Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
