This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
