saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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