so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
