Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
