just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
