Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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