Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize