dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize